Battle of wits between a genius and an idiot – but which is which!

Two men get chatting on a train journey about their jobs and their lives. One jokes that he’s a bit of an idiot who’s never got very far in life but he doesn’t mind because he’s basically happy.

The other is a little more serious, and points out that he’s a university professor with a genius level IQ.

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Bealtaine Fire - magical Celtic design

Winter wonderland

Who can take most kicks to the balls…the lawyer or the farmer?

A lawyer was enjoying a fishing holiday on a Kerry river when he landed a beautiful trout. Just as he pulled it in, the farmer who owned that stretch of river walked by.

“A grand catch,” said the farmer. “I’ll be obliged if you pass it up to me now and I’ll take it home for my dinner.”

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How an unknown actor changed his rude name to become a Hollywood legend

A handsome young man with a twinkle is his eye wanted to become an actor and so set about finding an agent in Hollywood.

The first one he tried was very impressed with the young man’s potential. He was good looking, had a great sense of humour and could sing and dance like he was born to it. The agent was keen to sign him until he discovered the budding actor’s name: Penis van Lesbian.

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Einstein’s driver turns out to be a quick-witted genius himself

The great scientist Albert Einstein was on a lecture tour of America and was starting to feel the pace.

“I’m sick and tired of all these meetings,” he moaned to his driver, who had a shock of white hair and looked remarkably like the great man. “All I do is say the same old things over and over again.”

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The perfect way to stop a man snoring when you have to share the same bed

Four friends were taking their annual fishing holiday in Galway but left it late to book and were unable to get single rooms.

The hotel only had two doubles left. This meant one of them would have to share a bed with Donal who was notorious for his thunderous snoring. Rather than one of them having to spend the whole week with him, the other three decided to take turns.

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Little Suzie learns more than her parents expect while helping the builders

Six-year-old Suzie’s family decided to have a large garage extension built on to their house. When the builders started work, Suzie was sent out to bring them tea and biscuits occasionally.

She soon became a favourite with the rough diamond builders who started to find ways to make her feel part of the team. They gave her little pretend jobs to do to do make her feel important, like holding a tape measure or giving her opinion on whether a wall was straight or not.

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Joe’s lack of an email costs him a job but earns him a fortune

Joe lost his job when his factory closed and he was desperate to find any work he could so he could feed his family.

He saw an ad for a janitor at a large bank in Dublin city centre. He sailed through the interview easily and was offered the job sweeping floors on a minimum wage of €9.25 an hour.

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