A pleasant but shy young man walked into a bar in the hope of meeting new people, maybe even a girl if he was really lucky.
He sits down at a table in the corner and after a while he notices that there’s been a beautiful girl sitting at the bar on her own for about 10 minutes. No one was talking to her.
“Maybe she’s lonely too,” he thought. “Maybe this is my chance to get to know someone.”
It takes him another 20 minutes to pluck up the courage to go over to talk to her but eventually he makes a move.
“Excuse me Miss,” he says. “Would you mind if I joined you for a moment?”
Suddenly, the woman yells out as loud as she can: “No I won’t go to bed with you.”
Crestfallen, he returns to his seat knowing that everyone in the crowded bar knew what happened and were now looking at him suspiciously.
He was about to get out as quickly as possible when the woman approached him and said: “I’m sorry about that. It’s just that I’m a psychology student and I’m researching how people react to embarrassing situations.”
The young man looked at her for a moment then shouted out as loud as he could: “No I will not pay you 50 euros for a night of sex.”
“I can’t take it anymore, it’s my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!” says a man to his friend.
“Don’t you mean ‘hysterical’?” asked his friend.
“No, I mean historical, every argument we have, she’ll go, ‘I still remember that time when you…’”
Dozy Dermot went into a hardware store to buy a chainsaw. The owner showed him the latest model and told him it could cut down a tree in a matter of seconds.
Dermot buys it but comes back a few days later to make a complaint. “You told me this would fell a tree in seconds, yet it took me nearly an hour.”
“That’s strange,” said the owner as he fired up the machine.
“What’s that whirring noise?” asked Dermot jumping back in surprise.