Battle of wits between a genius and an idiot – but which is which!

Two men get chatting on a train journey about their jobs and their lives. One jokes that he’s a bit of an idiot who’s never got very far in life but he doesn’t mind because he’s basically happy.

The other is a little more serious, and points out that he’s a university professor with a genius level IQ.

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Did you know...

Despite funerals being the saddest of occasions, they often produce wonderfully warm and life-affirming poems and blessings. The Irish have a great tradition for funeral poems and blessings. Find out more.

Some of the most popular surnames in Ireland have histories that go back hundreds, even thousands of years. Several originated from the ancient Irish clans that ruled various parts of the country over the centuries. Find out the stories of some of the most common names in Ireland.

Brian Boru is known as the last High King of Ireland and is even credited with seeing off the Vikings who had terrorised the Irish for over 200 years. Find out more.

Bealtaine Fire - magical Celtic design

Winter wonderland

The perfect way to stop a man snoring when you have to share the same bed

Four friends were taking their annual fishing holiday in Galway but left it late to book and were unable to get single rooms.

The hotel only had two doubles left. This meant one of them would have to share a bed with Donal who was notorious for his thunderous snoring. Rather than one of them having to spend the whole week with him, the other three decided to take turns.

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Kathleen’s attempt to rub it better doesn’t go quite to plan

Kathleen and Saoirse were playing golf one morning and hitting some tremendous shots. At the ninth hole, Kathleen hit a long drive that went so far it soared towards two men playing up ahead. She looked on in horror as it hit one them.

The man immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch and fell down in agony.

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Don’t mess with the elderly – 85-year-old Tommy teaches pro golfer a lesson

Eighty five year old Tommy Sheridan moved into a retirement home and was delighted to find there was gold course across the road.

He went across for a game but there was no one to play against so he asked the pro if he would care to partner him. “Well, I’d love to but golf is my job so I can only play for money.”

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Timid Tom shows how brains can beat brawn in a tight spot

Tom McCarthy was small fellow and very timid. He was bullied as a child but quickly learnt to survive by using his wits and thinking fast.

One day on a flight from Dublin to New York, Tom found himself sitting next to a huge monster of a man who looked like a thug from a Godfather mafia movie.

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Two starving Christians seek help at a mosque. Should they reveal who they are?

Dermot and Fiachra were on a once in a lifetime trip the Holy Land with the Catholic Church when they got separated from their party and ended up lost in the desert.

They wandered round for three days in blistering heat without food or water. They were nearly starved to death before they stumbled across a mosque in the distance.

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How to ensure your wife doesn’t become angry and aggressive

We are indebted to Michael Mulcahy from Wexford for sending us this valuable tip for reducing women’s anger threshold. Michael clearly knows nothing about female psychology but like all men, it doesn’t stop him pontificating. He writes below.

Well now, this is some good advice all you fellahs out there who like a pint or two. What you have to remember is that drink affects people in different ways.

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How to ensure your husband doesn’t get angry if you scratch his car

A car can be a man’s pride and joy and woe betide any wife who damages it. We are indebted to Roisin Callaghan from Galway who explains how she managed to avoid marriage meltdown when she had an unfortunate motoring accident.

Men might not notice if you change your hair colour but they’ll notice a new speck of dust on their precious car. Thankfully, they’re not the brightest and can be pacified if something goes wrong.

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