Out of the mouths of babes, fools and smart arse parrots

A foul mouthed parrot causes plenty of trouble in his new family

Fiona decided to buy a parrot for her husband Brian as he had often said that he would like to have a bird and teach it to speak.

She found one in the local pet shot on sale for only €10. “Why is it so cheap,” she asked the assistant.

“Well, it used to be owned by a brothel keeper and to tell you truth, it can be a bit foul-mouthed.”

A foul mouthed parrot causes plenty of  trouble in his new family

Fiona didn’t like the sound of that but then, it was so cheap and Brian would always be able to teach it some clean phrases. It was too good a bargain to miss so she decided to risk it and take it home with her.

The parrot looked round its new home and then at Fiona and said: “New home and a new madam.”

Fiona was shocked but still thought everything would be ok as soon as Brian started teaching it properly.

When her teenage daughters returned home, the parrot looked at them and said: “New home, new madam and new girls.”

This was even more concerning but the daughters were amused rather than upset and so they managed to laugh it off.

Then Brian arrived home. As soon as he saw the parrot his face turned white. “Hello Brian,” said the parrot.

Click here for more jokes about embarrassing mistakes

I don't do 'calm' I do 'grand'

Seamus heard strange noises from his parents’ bedroom one night so he looked through the keyhole. He stares for a moment than turns away shaking his head in disbelief. “And these people have the nerve to tell me I shouldn’t pick my nose!”

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I’d rather spend ten minutes 
rearranging the dishwasher to 
accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand.
@goldengateblond (shauna)

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