A man goes into a pub and orders a shot of whiskey. Then he looks at a picture in his wallet and orders another shot.
Then he orders another shot and looks at the picture again.
This goes on for several drinks until the barman can no longer resist and asks him what’s going on.
“Well,” said the man. “The picture is of my wife. I always look at her between drinks and when she starts to look good I know I’ve had too much so I go home.”
The police in my area were clamping down on drink driving so I knew I had to be careful after having a skinful with the lads. I wanted to be responsible so I took a taxi home. On the way back there was a road block but no one ever suspects a taxi so it was waved through.
Thankfully I arrived home safely without incident, which is a bit a miracle really because I was blind drunk and I’ve never driven a taxi before.
The early bird may get the worm…but the second mouse gets the cheese.
My wife told me to stop singing I’m a Believer by the Monkees because I sounded terrible. I thought she joking but then I saw her face…